conflict

finding a balance between self and others

what's conflict?

Underlying tension within communication based on opposing (possibly) false perceptions of others / own needs. This is my take on conflict in the home.

From Dictionary.com (search Feb 1st 2005)

• a state of disharmony between incompatible or antithetical persons, ideas, or interests; a clash.
• psychology. a psychic struggle, often unconscious, resulting from the opposition or simultaneous functioning of mutually exclusive impulses, desires, or tendencies.
• opposition between characters or forces in a work of drama or fiction, especially opposition that motivates or shapes the action of the plot.

symptoms: irritation, possible anger; raised or strained voice; flushed colour; withdrawal from situation or conversation; over accommodation of others views

causes: emotional baggage; stress from external sources e.g., extreme workload or rules; dishonesty with self /others possibly arising from low self esteem or hidden agenda.

is all conflict a problem?

Not at all - ignoring it is though!

Disagreement is healthy and often needed for full decision making and although negative, conflict itself is a strong sign that something more than meets the eye is happening.

how to handle conflict

stop conflict arising from when it isn't needed and won't be helpful

• be clear and concise in the words you use
• ask for clarification if you don't understand: say "I'm not understanding ..." the thing, whatever it is - be as specific as possible. You and they don't want to re-hear everything again!
• be nice - protect the other egos involved (this will protect yours too) - be respectful in your own language
• be assertive about what you want - no hidden agendas - no-one likes being deceived even if they don't agree with the alternative.

using helpful disagreement and conflict to progress

• realise it is happening and don't ignore it
• seek first to understand - this almost always takes longer than one would like it to - be prepared to be patient!
• be aware that the conflict might be coming from you - that old psychological struggle mentioned above
• listen actively
• be clear and concise in the words you use
• is there a compromise? Possibly not, can two different views co-exist? What can you offer as part of a resolution? What are true resolution options, all parties in conflict need to decide what to do.